If It Makes You Happy

Jeez, people! Happy now?

So, thought I'd tell everyone a funny little story from a few years ago. When ETK and I were living together we were trying to plan a fun sun-filled lazy vacation. We looked at various islands and resorts but eventually settled on my mom's condo in Belleair Beach, FL. I think money and time were the issues for deserting the island idea. Also this was when the condo was mostly empty b/c mom was still living in Ohio. We rented an eclipse convertible, which was tons of fun. Although I don't recommend trying to take the top down while driving on the freeway on the way back from Ybor City (translation = drinking). The 'rents condo is located right on the Gulf. We would walk on the beach and check out the multi-million dollar homes and come up with crazy ways we could live in one and never have to work again. And here is the one we came up with:

ETK was to meet and fall in love with Derek Jeter and have their daughter, little Humdrum Baxley (not the real name, but protecting the bloggers). She would often come down to visit me in my palatial home on the beach that I was able to afford because of a man we referred to only as "my late beloved benefactor". A much much older extremely weathly gentleman who died while in the middle of intimacy with moi. Now because I had made him so happy in his final years, his children had no objection to the large sum he was generous enough to leave me in his will, which no longer required me to work and allowed me to live in the lap of luxury. We would have great adventures together where I would call and say, "ETK, I'm in Paris shopping and need some company. I'll send the jet to pick you up right away."
Now, during all this happiness, tragedy was soon to follow. ETK's beloved husband Derek Jeter came down with a mysterious ailment that was only know as Derek Jeter's disease. Following his untimely demise, ETK was aided in her grief by her late husband's best friend Alex Rodriguez. (Ed. Note: This was back when A-Rod still played for the Rangers and he and Jeter were still friends.) Soon ETK and A-Rod were falling in love while working through their shared grief. They would soon marry and ETK would give birth to little Etienne (we just really liked saying that name.)

My relaying of this story now leads me to the conversation ETK and I had last Friday. I was driving home and heard on the radio that there was speculation that Atlanta may be trying to get A-Rod as a free agent. I immediately called ETK at work to relay the news. She was beyond excited. She said she would have to prepare Baby for their upcoming divorce when I reminded her that there wouldn't be a need for divorce b/c Baby could contract Derek Jeter's disease and she could get the life insurance money. I won't go into the ways we discussed of Baby's contracting Derek Jeter's disease, just in case the authority's find this blog.

Hope that entertains you all for awhile.