Life Is NOT A Highway

Not with gas prices these high! If it is a highway, it's a ride in the carpool lane but alas I am single. I spent over $50 on a tank of gas last night, it's ridiculous! When I was in college you could fill your tank for $10. I remember the BP just outside of campus could get as low as $0.85/gallon. Oh, the good ole days. Of course as I type this I do realize that was over 10 years ago, christ I feel old.

So ETK is bloodthirsty for a new blog since she got back from the land of Dracula. My fear of her suddenly popping up at my door and not having a reflection in my mirror has caused me to think of the most mundane things to write about. But I guess that is my theme.

I've got some more ideas, but I'll get to them later tonight. Until then, peace out hommies!

Oops, here's my latest crush. I'll write more about him later also.

Just Want To Bang On A Drum All Day

Well, it's Friday and I'm so unmotivated to work. I have some stuff to do, but don't feel like doing it. Nothing to exciting to post about today, but ETK has been riding me to keep posting.
No big plans for the weekend. Have to go to the gym tomorrow, then planning on hanging out with Mrs. P and my baby Izzy P. I told Mr. & Mrs. P that I had decided Izzy was actually my baby and I was just letting them raise her. I had a baby shower for a friend at work on Wednesday and while I was buying a gift for her I also got a cute little outfit and a Santa hat for Izzy. When I got to the office I gave it to Mr. P to take home. So yesterday, Mrs. P calls me and says, "What are you doing buying my daughter more gifts when it's not a holiday?" Just can't help it, she's such a cutie pie! Plus she loves me, I'm her favorite person. She's told me so herself, even though she's only 9 months old and can't really talk, it's in her eyes. :)
Sunday of course is bowling. My neighbors and I are in a gay bowling league. Mostly men, there are only three women that bowl. And our team is the only all straight team but we have so much fun. Of course the music they play while we bowl if fabulous, so we all dance around and goof off. The crazy thing is I've had about five of the gay guys on the league tell me, "If I was straight, I would totally date you." I'm sorry, doesn't really help me here! So I tell them to find me some straight men.
Oh, I have been having the worst time waking up in the morning. I really thought the time change would help, but I'm going to bed at the same time, an hour later than before and waking up an hour later than before. Really sucks.
I guess that's enough randomness for today. Until later, peace out hommies!

You've Got A Friend

I’ve been feeling very selfish lately. Which has me worrying that I’m not as good of a friend as I should be. My closet friends are those I met in college or just after, but since we all spread so far out it’s much harder to stay in touch. Phone calls and emails every couple weeks are about the extent our contact has become. Or the occasional vacation to see each other. I think about this now because I many of those said friends are going through several issues in their own lives that I wish I could help out more and be a better friend.
One of the said friends has been a pilot in the Airforce since we graduated and is currently somewhere in the Middle East, but can’t tell us where he is. He does send out occasional emails and photos with funny stories of something he’s been doing. I especially enjoyed when his whole crew grew appeared to have 70’s style porn mustaches. Or the photo after he shaved his head, the funnier part was the wall behind him is decorated with tons of photos of scantily clad women and then just over his shoulder is a photo of Ponch and John from CHIPS, don’t know why but I’m still confused about that one. I’m sure it would not be a comfort to him that ever since he was transferred to a location that means he’s more involved in the ongoing war effort, I make sure to wake up every Sunday to catch This Week with George Stephanopoulos because they list all the names the Pentagon releases of Americans killed in action. I do so not out of morbid curiosity, but out of hoping not to see his name. Or whenever there is a military plane crash I check every site on-line to make sure it’s not his. He would probably rather get an email just checking in on him or providing him with my latest humorous anecdote. I have picked up the email contact, which goes along with another story I’ll blog about next time.
The others who I know check this blog, I don’t feel right going into their issues but I do wish there was more I could do for them. I wish they knew that if anything were to happen I would be on the first plane out to see them. But since my nature is to try to keep things on the light side through humor and all around goofiness, I don’t think I let them know enough how much I care for them and worry for them. I can only hope that they know me so well that they get what I’m doing.
Well, I think I’ve whined enough for today. Sorry for the self-pity party, just some thoughts I had that I wanted to get down. Until later my lovelies, here’s a stupid joke someone sent me:
WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.
She picked a little boy to do the first test.
She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, “Do you know what it is?”
“No, I don’t”, said the little boy.
“Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing you daddy wants from your mommy before he goes to work.”
Suddenly a little girl at the back of the room yelled, “Spit it out! It’s a piece of ASS!”

If It Makes You Happy

Jeez, people! Happy now?

So, thought I'd tell everyone a funny little story from a few years ago. When ETK and I were living together we were trying to plan a fun sun-filled lazy vacation. We looked at various islands and resorts but eventually settled on my mom's condo in Belleair Beach, FL. I think money and time were the issues for deserting the island idea. Also this was when the condo was mostly empty b/c mom was still living in Ohio. We rented an eclipse convertible, which was tons of fun. Although I don't recommend trying to take the top down while driving on the freeway on the way back from Ybor City (translation = drinking). The 'rents condo is located right on the Gulf. We would walk on the beach and check out the multi-million dollar homes and come up with crazy ways we could live in one and never have to work again. And here is the one we came up with:

ETK was to meet and fall in love with Derek Jeter and have their daughter, little Humdrum Baxley (not the real name, but protecting the bloggers). She would often come down to visit me in my palatial home on the beach that I was able to afford because of a man we referred to only as "my late beloved benefactor". A much much older extremely weathly gentleman who died while in the middle of intimacy with moi. Now because I had made him so happy in his final years, his children had no objection to the large sum he was generous enough to leave me in his will, which no longer required me to work and allowed me to live in the lap of luxury. We would have great adventures together where I would call and say, "ETK, I'm in Paris shopping and need some company. I'll send the jet to pick you up right away."
Now, during all this happiness, tragedy was soon to follow. ETK's beloved husband Derek Jeter came down with a mysterious ailment that was only know as Derek Jeter's disease. Following his untimely demise, ETK was aided in her grief by her late husband's best friend Alex Rodriguez. (Ed. Note: This was back when A-Rod still played for the Rangers and he and Jeter were still friends.) Soon ETK and A-Rod were falling in love while working through their shared grief. They would soon marry and ETK would give birth to little Etienne (we just really liked saying that name.)

My relaying of this story now leads me to the conversation ETK and I had last Friday. I was driving home and heard on the radio that there was speculation that Atlanta may be trying to get A-Rod as a free agent. I immediately called ETK at work to relay the news. She was beyond excited. She said she would have to prepare Baby for their upcoming divorce when I reminded her that there wouldn't be a need for divorce b/c Baby could contract Derek Jeter's disease and she could get the life insurance money. I won't go into the ways we discussed of Baby's contracting Derek Jeter's disease, just in case the authority's find this blog.

Hope that entertains you all for awhile.